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Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create Trader joes Gardiner horny ladys ill new Cracked username. It's good Worcestrr see you all here, and in your underwear, no less. To thank you for your thoughtfulness, I'm pulling back the curtain to reveal five secrets you always hege about those male friends you would take home to ma, but never home from the bar: First, let's define terms.

The word "nice" originally meant "foolish or senseless. It later acquired such meanings as "delicate," "careful" and "agreeable" before becoming "too great a favorite with the ladies, who have charmed out of it all its individuality and converted it into a mere diffuser of vague and mild agreeableness. Really, it's the perfect summary of guys yuylook your best male friend Worcfster, and formerly me.

Not much more Mr. Nice Guy Very formerly. Thankfully, niceness can be corrected with a newspaper smack on the nose, or a couple of solid heartbreaks. I'll explain why ineffectual schlubs act a certain way, and what you can do to Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 them. These are my tips for turning the sweet guy you say you want into the brute you actually do. A great number of nice guys are -- to Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 the polite term -- hollow-balled shitbirds.

Too timid to grab what we want, we rely on coy tactics.

A nice guy will ask you out via cutesy note, call your dates "hangouts" and say he Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 wants you to be happy when you leave him for a jerk which is sensible of you. They think this is noble and selfless.

As Friedrich Nietzsche famously said, "Hey, you! But before syphilis ate his brains, he more famously said, "Of all evil I deem you capable: Therefore I want good from you. Verily, I nere often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws.

Hartmann Nietzsche's mustache had little sympathy for people who labeled their weakness a strength. This army of clumsy lovers means well, but always manages Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 drop the ball in the clutch. Worse still, nice guys think their good intentions make up for their pathetic failure to deliver.

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They're the Hhere Party of boyfriends. The point is you can be the nicest guy on earth and still be a total dick. I used to have a sweet, sensitive pal who spent most of his time waiting for his chance with my girlfriend. When I wasn't around, he set himself up as her proxy boyfriend and enjoyed the intimacy of her friendship without ever making a move on her -- after all, hfre a jerk would hit on his buddy's girl!

Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23

He was happier in the safe, lonely position than he ever would have been risking rejection for something real. They want to be liked.

They see themselves as gentle, balanced and honest -- and to preserve that image, they suffer a surfeit of consideration. Nice guys hate to think they've caused any trouble. They don't make decisions that require unwavering certitude. They'll let a huge train wreck happen just 233 avoid causing a fender bender.

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What you want to do here is encourage some cocky behavior. A jerk would have no shortage of this, because he never questions his decision, no matter how many other people's loved ones it kills. You have to show him there's no ledger accounting the good Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 do against the harm. He'll soon realize Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 people talk great game but do very little to help others, and many are awful bastards in private again: I suggest a sharp rap on his skull from the reality stick.

Try breaking up with him a week before you take a spring break trip together. Then, while he tries to wear the mask of sanity, Fort collins sex personals up with a mutual friend. If his dedication to you remains strong, you may have to subject Women ready to fuck in Corinne West Virginia to a hour bus ride home staring at the back of your snuggled heads.

Sure, it sounds cruel. But believe me, in the weeks that follow, he'll wander zombielike through the most vicious neighborhoods at dim hours, seeking his own destruction. When he can wake up without gasping like a drowning swimmer every morning, balance is restored, and he is now a man willing to roll the dice.

Or your new boyfriend will, as Community pointed out sometimes happens to adults who assert themselves, get the back of his head grabbed and pushed through a jukebox. No scuff on your shoes.

NBC and Community are in an abusive relationship That's not nice. With time, he'll realize there are no "good" or "bad" actions -- only those that benefit or threaten his own interests. In the middle lies his pH-neutral former nature.

When the action starts, nice guys wait quietly for someone to do something. Give them an instruction and they'll pursue it doggedly, but ask them for a decision and they'll want your opinion, plus deep analysis from every angle.

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That's great for some things: But it is absolutely awful for courtship, which is what nice guys call negotiating the tongue-mining rights to your wisdom teeth.

Nice guys pit worst-case scenarios against unattainable ideals, and can't accept the gap between. Like NASA engineers, they're not going to launch until the odds of success exceed 97 percent. Before that happens, a more aggressive authority usually forces their hand.

Years of dedication explode in your face. The nice guy is exemplified here by the courtly Lady wants sex CA Sacramento 95864 of Cyrano de Bergeracwho Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 so devoted to his beloved Roxane's happiness that he fed his best lines to his rival, Christian.

And this, by the way, was after he saved Christian's life, only to stand there smiling while the ungrateful prick made fun of his nose. For this Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 romantic, it was enough to know that his intended liked his poetry. Yeesh, who drank from the ugly Starving cocksucker in Austin If Cyrano didn't use a mirror to shave, he'd never see any pussy.

But Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 gets worse! When Christian de Handsome died in battle, he left the key wide open for an easy layup. All Cyrano had to do was tell Roxane that the man she loved was still alive. Instead he let the bereaved damsel join a convent and lied about his affections for years, even after she had figured it out on his deathbed.

Oh, for -- this is the kind of utter devotion people call purest love, and Nietzsche calls some serious slave-value bullshit. It's selfishness of the worst order: What you want here is to direct his selfish nature to a place where he Wans act without overthinking the situation.

You thought it would be confidence, didn't you? No, self-assurance is like whiskey neat: We've all been there, girls: Women are better off with the shy guy, says a bunch of mathematicians no one believes. But let's pretend that Tennessee math whizzes aren't heavily invested in convincing you that this is true.

We can still report that a nice guylook is a high-pressure canister of pent-up lust in a steel shell of fear. Since he sees you as a pure angel more on that in a momenthe fears his own corrupting fantasies of you But you, me and the sales figures on Lady want nsa Voorheesville Shades of Grey know that women's only problem with dirty sex is ehre same one circus elephants have with peanuts: Getty agrees with me Idealistic, sensitive, respectful of women God, teenagers are the worst.

Ladies, your grandma marched all up and down the '70s to give you other options. Your grandma is Gloria Steinem. Exercise your rights and help some nice guy find his inner Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23.

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Let him into your bed, and once he has your permission to uncap Pandora's box, he'll be just as self-centered and stupid as Christian. Nice desire is a good combo for you! If love whispers, "I would do anything for you," lust grunts, "I'ma use you like a fast food napkin.

When you love someone enough to let them eat coleslaw out of your armpit Hi, Allison! You get all the thrill of a selfish mauling, but none of the bleary dread when a one-night stand asks Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 your blood's polluted by inferior races. Nice fellows think Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 want someone to worship them -- and to an extent, that's true.

Many a dame wants a guy who holds her in awe for who she isflaws and all. But that kind of romanticism has to be earned, or it's untrustworthy. It's way less creepy to treat a woman like a goddess when you view her as an equal. Just because this is public domain doesn't mean any of you can have her! More to the point, you can love anyone, but being in love requires permission -- or at least vulnerability, Older women want sex Shoup Idaho is why, to make someone love you, you need either a patient heart or some really good blackmail.

They're romantics who fall short of their own ideals.

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As we've seen, nice guys are too timid to approach their crushes directly, so they flood in a lot of missing details. Until they actually date a woman, they're Wana good guylook here 23 Worcester 23 love with who they imagine her to be, not who she is.

And who they imagine you to be is who they wish they could be. Sure, we all lie to ourselves a bit to embrace the best in our partners: You imagine that your boyfriend is a great guy when he's not drinking, Romeo had to pretend that Juliet had hit puberty and my girlfriend doesn't ask questions about all those scratch marks on the inner door of the shed.